The Age Diary

The Age

Thursday July 31, 2008

Suzanne Carbone, Lorna Edwards, Edited Today By Lorna Edwards

When crucifixes and crotch-grabbing collide

WHILE the Anglican Church has been immersed in bitter squabbles over homosexuality, it seems the hairier issue of polygamy might have slipped past the radar.

A press release from Australian Archbishop Phillip Aspinall from the global shindig of bishops in London known as the Lambeth conference had an astonishing revelation.

"Dr Aspinall joined more than 600 bishops, 800 spouses and others on . . . a march through London," it declared.

The missive was passed on to Diary by a "deeply concerned Anglican". Well, you would be.

Meanwhile, in the warm afterglow of Australia's invasion by Catholic pilgrims (and priests with a considerably lighter spousal entourage, it should be noted), Melbourne's theatre is about to receive a dose of holy spirit.

The crucifix-and-crotch-grabbing musical Altar Boyz is about to descend on Melbourne, purporting to be a parody about a Christian boy band on a national "Raise the Praise" tour.

Director Kate Gaul told Diary the cast was enthusiastically embraced by Sydney during a World Youth Day performance of three musical numbers from the highly camp show.

The fictitious band's line-up features Matthew ("the leader of the pack with the heart of a saint"), Mark ("a sensitive young man with deep faith in Cher"), Luke ("the wild one with a strong 'interest' in communion wine"), Juan ("an orphan searching for his parents, who also has an eye for the girls") and Abraham ("a nice Jewish boy who's not quite sure how he ended up in the band").

The show missed out on a papal blessing.

Super trouper

RENOWNED stage and TV veteran Bud Tingwell was released from hospital yesterday after his forced exit from the musical Follies when he was felled with a urinary tract infection two weeks ago. The 85-year-old revealed to Diary what a super trouper he was, insisting the show must go on despite discovering blood in his urine early in the opening night performance. Not only did he see out the show but he survived the after party, too, before seeking medical attention. While ruling himself out of Olympic medal contention this year, Tingwell assures us he is now fighting fit and had enjoyed catching up on some reading in hospital. He plans to attend tomorrow's launch of Matt Newton's film Three Blind Mice, in which he has a role.

Watch your backs

THE knives are out again at Channel Nine - but the canteen staff simply will not stand for it any more. Fed up with disappearing cutlery, the canteen has issued a stern warning that missing utensils will no longer be replaced. A sign in the canteen even laments the plight of a kitchen hand left idle since the utensils went wandering. They might want to check the news and current affairs department, scene of the recent slashing of Sunday and Nightline. Or perhaps the items have been hoarded by the embattled station's stars arming themselves in self-defence against any threat of "boning", the unkindest cut famously delivered to former Today show host Jessica Rowe during the reign of Eddie McGuire.

Big bird

KIDS, listen to your mums when they warn against the future perils of tattoos. The Geelong Addy on Tuesday ran a huge page-three pic of a navigationally challenged New Zealand fiordland penguin that washed up at Queenscliff. It was shown in the gentle hands of Leopold Wildlife Centre's David Burrell. In sharp focus was one of those hands cradling the ailing penguin's head, with "HATE" emblazoned in tattoos across the knuckles. The emaciated 1.8-kilogram penguin is now receiving urgent veterinary care at Melbourne Zoo, weighing considering less than the 25 kilograms the Addy claimed in its story.

Visible cossie line

FORGET the fashion faux pas of VPL (visible panty line), which was usurped by visible thong line in the fashion crime stakes. Australia's Olympic swimmers seem to have come up with their own poolside version. Before a training session in Malaysia this week, several of our female swimmers were sporting low-slung shorts or trakky daks with the sides of their togs climbing to significantly higher altitudes above each hip. Is this hip-flashing, high-rise cossie look a backlash against the increasingly Victorian-era dimensions of the ankle-length Speedo supersuits that are the new black in world record books? At least there's no risk of muffin top infringements with our taut and toned athletes.

Fugitive chic

FORGET plastic surgery - excessive facial shrubbery (below) seems to be the disguise of choice of the world's most notorious war crims in hiding. First there was Saddam Hussein plucked out of a hole in Iraq sprouting a heavily follicled face in 2003. Then came last week's arrest of Bosnian Serb wartime leader Radovan Karadzic, who managed to get about Belgrade for years - as a healer, of all things - unrecognised in a feral mane. Which makes us wonder if America's most wanted man, the previously bearded cave-dweller Osama bin Laden, is now sporting facial foliage reminiscent of Star Wars character Chewbacca. Maybe that's why they haven't found him.

CONTACT

LORNA EDWARDS 9601 2629 ledwards@theage.com.au

SUZANNE CARBONE 9601 3192 scarbone@theage.com.au http://blogs.theage.com.au/limelight Fax: 9601 2327

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